THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 42

“The Universe is what each of you makes of it; it is what you believe it to be.  Yellow buses, guidelines and threats to our security are my Universe.  Still, there’s one universal truth you should know about and that is the one of the Acrobat, these days also known as the Syck Monkey.  In the days of time immemorial, it lived with numerous others of its kind in this very jungle, right here.  The legend has it that he was young and smart and that like most youth of that age, he was disobedient and conceited.  Then one day, his Tribe’s chief warned him that according to the tribe’s shaman’s calculations, a disaster was looming, one of cataclysmic and gigantic proportions and that his gift was needed to save all of their lives.

The Acrobat was then the fastest and nimblest of them all monkeys – he was to gather all of his tribe’s peers and to take them fast to a corner of the Universe where they would be safe from the impending and predicted explosion.

But the Acrobat kept showing off his skills to all those who admired him and were willing to compete with him.  There were many.  He ignored his elders’ warnings, saying that he would get his timing right, that he would feel the time coming through his bones and save his peers then, not before.  The elders and his Chief began to panic as the Acrobat never stopped fooling around with his young friends.

“Don’t worry, be happy” he used to sing and boast, “timing is of the essence.”

To be continued…

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THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 41

That rudder doesn’t look anything close to what she desires.  Besides, it is a far cry from the glossy and amber coloured one the Captain had carved out of iced rum, polished and ultimately destroyed for her.  Such is her hunger: she’ll never be satisfied.  She’ll go wherever the Universe takes her regardless of her looks.  She thinks, therefore she is because that’s all there is now.  Still, she might never stop being a rebel.

“I can’t,” the King says.

“She looks good,” the Captain answers grateful nevertheless, “never mind the rudder not working for now, the Insatiable Princess will come to her senses someday, no doubt about it.”

“I don’t think that—“

“No more, your Highness,” Labaguette utters disapprovingly, “not another word about it.”

“I’ll pull you to the bus depot and we’ll see how we can help you with directions from there,” Jimmy says, beaming at the state of his now working shiny yellow bus.

“Tell me more about the Acrobat,” the King requests as their journey towards Jimmy’s town begins.

“The Universe is an entire Kingdom,” Jimmy says, “an entire planet within itself.  I mean, the universe might be one giant ball that contains a multitude of smaller worlds within itself.”

“It might be flat too,” the Captain insists, “and—“

“—the Universe is French, it was discovered by the French in the first place,” Labaguette interrupts, “and we should all be speaking French but—“

“—Shut up, you crumb eating bird!” the Captain yells, coming down to Labaguette’s day to day reality.

“Labaguette is right and so is the Captain” Jimmy intervenes, “you’re all correct as far as the Universe’s theory of relativity goes.”

Jimmy’s got their attention again as they direct their blank stares upon him.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 40

“And I rule my world as well as others,” the King adds.

“And I rule my ship and no one rules over me,” the Captain continues.

“Fuck the guidelines, we’re fucked anyway,” Labaguette says.

Now the King walks to the front of the bus, precisely where it has encrusted into the Insatiable Princess.  He takes out the Doctor’s silver stick from his blue coat and fixes both: the bus and the ship, just like that.

For a while, there’s a stunned silence as the passengers take stock and begin to understand the importance of having a King on board.  The Captain is gobsmacked, in awe, yet feeling no remorse as to any unkindly feelings he might have harboured earlier.  Now there’s a King holding the power.  The Captain won’t kill the King in the near future as his ship is fixed and she might even get a rudder.

“Your Highness,” Labaguette asks, “would it be too much to ask you to endow the Insatiable Princess with a much needed rudder?  I beg you.  I’ll remain your humble servant for as long as you wish.”

Loyalty for the price of a rudder the Captain thinks.  So that’s what it takes?

And there goes the King again as he performs his newly acquired magic skills thanks to his silver stick.  Magic is power.  Power is magic, to some extent.  This time the stick’s power creates without fixing.  A rudder is added to the Insatiable Princess.  She’s almost never looked so polished, elegant and finished.  She would even look proud if only she would to talk.  Not this time.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 39

“I wouldn’t put it that way if I were you.  In reality, it’s because he and his phone box chose to reject me.  You see, his magic silver stick had a bug in it – as the Doctor called it – which probably came from having produced too much Rum as I’d requested it.  The phone box got flooded with it whilst the Doctor felt inexplicably dizzy.  It was unstoppable.  According to him, it was worse than an alien invasion and despite his dire need to understand about Fur Coat and my connection with my She-planet, as he called it, he felt that he had no choice but to flush me out as he had lost the control of his silver stick and of his phone box.”

“He opened his door and pressed the flush button just like that?” Jimmy asks.

“Just like that.”

“Like excrement? Ha!” Labaguette interjects, “fancy the Acrobat catching you as shit, that was fortunate.”

“I’m a King, my life is meant to be fortunate.”

“Well folks,” Jimmy continues, “I’m going to take you to our bus depot and we might be able to fix both: ship and bus.  However, there’s a cost because my bus is damaged and I need to justify the expense to the manager or else I’ll get fired.”

“But it was your fault,” the Captain says, “you failed to see us, we don’t owe you anything.”

“Ah but you see, buses always have right of way over any other vehicles that come our way.  This is in the guidelines too.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 38

The King wishes to answer.  He wobbles along majestically and something in the wobble tells the passengers that a King is to be feared and respected.  At last, the King tells his story:

“I remember I got up in that phone box.  It was so much bigger inside than it looks on the outside…”

“I know” Labaguette squawks.

“What would you know?” the Captain retorts.

This is when two brains within one skull get into action as each of the Captain’s eyes rotates in their own socket, independently from the other.  The captain’s brain are at work and, seemingly, fully functional.

“I’m King Krackskull, King of the Fur-Coat planet, a she-planet.  You are?”

“I’m Jimmy.”

“You’re name’s Jimmy and you’re headed to Jimmy’s Town?”

“We’re all ‘Jimmys’, us, bus drivers.  It’s in the guidelines.  When we call out for each other the mere tone of our voice is all that is needed to know which of the Jimmys is concerned.  Simple enough.”

“And Jimmy’s Town?” asks Labaguette.

“Shut up, Labaguette!  What happened in the Doctor’s phone box?” the Captain asks the King.

“I’ll find the Doctor and strangle him,” the King says.  “He’s a traitor, a scumbag, and you, Captain, you don’t even come close to the Doctor’s evil, a true fuckwit.  How come you knew him, Labaguette?”

“That’s a long story,” Labaguette says, “tell us how you landed here?”

“Labaguette, my friend, thanks to Captain Traumatic I’ve gotten a taste for Rum.  The Doctor had a silver magic wand that could fix anything.  I grabbed it for a minute and satisfied my thirst and need for Rum.  That’s all.”

“He threw you out because you got drunk?”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 37

The King happened to be there at the right time and at the right place when the Acrobat snatched him and deposited him on top of my bus.  He didn’t keep the King to collect him, for the Acrobat is known to collect the odd item, but a King is too dangerous an item to be kept and the Acrobat had to release the King for fear an army might be released and there’s nothing worse than an army creating havoc in the universe.  It’s bad Karma.”

“Karma, huh?  Is that what you call Fur Coat?” the Captain asks.

Jimmy has a blank look on his face.  Who the fuck is that pirate?

“Capitaine, Karma is to the Universe what Traumatic is to your name,” Labaguette answers.

Upon that, Jimmy feels as if these passengers might all be in need of psychiatric assessment.  As to Labaguette, if staring could kill, he would be dead by now, no doubt.  But he’s the Captain’s voice, even if sporadic, the one that the Captain can’t and doesn’t want to listen to, as clever as it might be, at times.

“The Acrobat cannot be caught as his presence is required everywhere at once, most of the time,” Jimmy continues.  “He does have enemies for his cave is full of items he’s stolen and collected.  He is not known to die, else items would stop being saved or stolen.”

“Well, where’s the Doctor now?”  Labaguette asks, “surely he didn’t abandon a King just like that?”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 36

“The Acrobat is a living God,” Jimmy begins, seeking some elusive truce, “there’s only one I know of.  His moves are so fast that he sometimes appears in two places or more at the same time but there’s only one of him, he’s just that fast…  He travels on a rope, always catching and retrieving objects and creatures that are inadvertently falling through the sky.  Not everyone gets caught, unfortunately, because the Acrobat isn’t really a God, even if he’s been around since the beginning of times.

“Who’s in charge exactly?  God or the Acrobat?” the King asks.

“The Acrobat organises synchronicity in the Universe.  As to God, no one really knows.  He’s never appeared on stage.  He might be shy.”

“What does the Acrobat looks like?” Labaguette asks.

“He’s one hell of an ugly monkey,” the King retorts.

“He’s ugly but he saved your life, yeah?” the Captain says.

“A fucking ugly God?  Is that possible?” Labaguette continues.

“Oh, you fucking vain bird of pride…” the Captain adds, ready to twist Labaguette’s neck if he could catch the damned bird, “is the Acrobat a God or not?”

“He’s the next best thing to a God if there’s one,“ Jimmy tells the interested small group, “the Acrobat takes the shape of a monkey, any monkey, one day orang-utan, another day, chimpanzee, yellow-tail, you get the picture.  He chooses his appearance, but of the monkey breed he remains at all times.

To be continued…