THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 394

“He’s always wanted to be a hero but I’ve never—”

“—not dead,” Birdseye mutters, “not dead.”

“It’s only the monkeys, you and I”.

“I’m—!”

“—You and your creature from hell don’t exist.  Get out of my sight!”

Chloroph and his dog descend into the hull with some calm as Birdseye resumes his leading sentinel position at the front of the Insatiable Princess.

Then, for no apparent reason, Captain Traumatic decides he too should descends into the hull but his goal quickly becomes apparent. He is grieving the loss of his parrot and King, needs to quench an underlying thirst and in need of a break: he spends there five universal days and five nights drinking self-generating Rum out of full barrels before spending another three days and nights emptying overflowing Rum overboard.

Eventually and predictably perhaps, the Captain’s moods result in more joy and satisfaction and this allows for Chloroph’s newly found and convincing argument that releasing the constant overflow of Rum in a specially designed Hook may be better and worth considering.

“That way, it won’t spread and generate over any planets it may fall upon,” Chloroph maintains, “and we will be able to maintain the overall supremacy of its distribution and the power it will bring.”

“So long as Colonel Loga doesn’t let Spinostress in on it.”

“He never will, can’t you see?  He’s lost all power since the wings debacle.  He’ll do anything do regain that power and rid of Spinostress.  Labaguette knows this and the King too might by now.”

“Where exactly is the Rum’s oversupply going once it goes through your Hook?  Aren’t you scared it—”

“—You don’t have to trust me Captain.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 393

“How—”

Birdseye takes his post once more at the forefront of the ship, crouching.

“We must go now,” he says.

“Not without the King,” the Captain answers.

“It’s the King or me.”

“Or me,” Labaguette adds.

“Shove off, Labaguette,” the Captain says, “We’ll forget the King, let’s set sails.  Away we GO!”

All stand in disbelief, mouths half-open, popping their ears.

“We’ll come back to pick him up some other time.”

“We’ll never be able to make it back.”

“We’ll use your GPS.”

“I won’t be used.”

“We’ll extract it from you.”

And without further ado, the Insatiable Princess lifts off and, in a blaze of glorified independence, zooms past the highest towers of Rhygourosis, and off she is beyond the orange mist before she begins floating again amidst the now familiar stars, following the path Birdseye’s goggles zone in on.

“It won’t be long before I’ll be called back,” Labaguette says.

“Gobbledigook!  Spinostress is in charge now.  She won’t need you.”

As soon as the Captain finishes this sentence, Labaguette lifts in the air and his mechanical wings begin to flap backwards.

“Come back Labaguette, enough of your nonsense!”

“See what you’ve done?” Labaguette adds in a panic.

“I’ve done—”

“—you triggered the mechanism, that’s what!” Labaguette screams, the sound of his voice declining as Labaguette is disappearing fast.

“STOP!”

“HELP!  I’m being called back!”

It is too late.  In the dimly lit darkness of the Universe, a parrot has been swallowed by an orange mist and the unspeakable truth that faces the Captain and the Insatiable Princess throws a shadow on their rediscovered freedom.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 392

Now the Captain’s shoulder slump as he expects Birdseye’s knowing to be merciless.

“And you, bird of doom, you—” the Captain utters, “how could you—”

“—He means to save your life and that of your ship”, Spinostress says.

“Well then,” Colonel Loga continues, “it’s either the monkeys or Labaguette, which will it be?”

“This is hopeless,” Labaguette whispers.

“I won’t let you have my Crown, old woman, you dont—”

“—don’t call me old or woman!” Spinostress says, “you know my name.  Guards, seize the King!”

“Do something, Captain!” Labaguette whispers.

“Let us get this crown in the right hands,” she insists, “Birdseye, for now, it is best you stay here and keep a watch on all of them until we come back.”

There, stranded on a Rum River that is expanding and swelling uncontrollably with every second, the Insatiable Princess and its crew begin a wait of some sort, that of a King’s head being freed from its reluctant Crown and the crowning of a new queen.

Immediately after Spinostress leaves, the Insatiable Princess set sails and searches for a calmer flow of Rum until she settles on a newly formed lake, at some distance from a spewing volcano.

Then, three Monkeys reunite the Insatiable Princess’ two halves with dedication and Rum soaked rope magic.  No one could ever tell she’d ever been on the brink of extinction except perhaps for Captain Traumatic.

“Birdseye!” the Captain exclaims, “what will it take—”

“—Shhhhh!” Birdseye retorts, “ears are everywhere.”

“But—”

“—Shut up Captain!” Labaguette whispers as the Captain’s eyes meet Birdseye’s and finally, he understands.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 391

“Birdseye is compromised,” Colonel Loga comments.  “He turned against his own.  He turned against me.  I won’t guarantee his safety if he stays here.”

“Labaguette and Birdseye will be connected.  Both are birds of some kind.  One with wings and no sense of direction, the other wingless with a clear path and a vision,” Spinostress says, “Birsdeye will dictate where the Insatiable Princess must go through Labaguette’s GPS’ control center.  By releasing Labaguette’s GPS and letting Birsdeye manage that bird, you will be free to focus on managing this planet with me and transforming your wings to carry you forward into the next stage of your dreams.”

“Surely I have a say in all this?” the Captain asks.

“I know the monkeys,” Spinostress adds, “they belong to the Insatiable Princess.  I’ve seen the work they’ve done inside the hull and I know that at this very moment, they’re in recovery mode, repairing the ship with their rope tricks and tricks of the trade.  They’ll fix this ship and keep it solid for as long as it travels within Labaguette’s frequency range within specific universes.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll self-destruct if it ever finds its way back home, Captain.”

“There’s nothing more that I, Labaguette and me blessed ship want than to return to Earth.  Earth is home and, besides, the monkeys’ mission isn’t one of destruction nor evil intent.  I thought you were on my side Spinostress.  Your mercurial behaviour is—”

But Spinostress looks deep into the Captain’s eyes before leading his gaze to Birdseye’s own.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 390

The ball travels bouncing to the Insatiable Princess.  In no time it finds itself onto the ship’s deck, interrupting Captain Loga and Spinostress’s relentless squabbles.

Then, as if the ball were coughing, it bounces a few times and its shell melts open rapidly, releasing Chloroph and two joyful monkeys who celebrate their reunions with their long lost brother by running inside the hull.

“How—”

“—it’s to do with the ropes, Captain” Chloroph says, standing in the midst of those on deck, “all the Monkeys needed was to know we’re here for them and for them to repeat their father’s teaching.”

“They don’t know their father,” Labaguette utters.

“Who taught you to talk?” Chloroph asks.

“Don’t look at me Labaguette,” the Captain says, “first thing you said when you got out of your egg was ‘I need a drink.’”

“Didn’t.”

“Did so.”

“So you freed the monkeys, scum!” Colonel Loga says, “where do you think this is going to get you plant man?  And what’s that jellified monster doing on a leash?”

“Bullgum,” Chloroph says, “his name’s Bullgum.”  From now on, he is me best mate.  The Monkeys are free because you’re no longer the leader.

“A dog born out of another of your hooks, huh?” the Captain snarls, “there’s no room for it on this ship—”

“—The best sniffer dog you’ll—.”

“—The monkeys don’t belong to you, besides, they were free,” Colonel Loga says, the Monkeys will remain my property and that of Spinostress.  Get them out of the hull, Captain and hand them back to us.”

“The deal has already been agreed to,” Spinostress says, “the Insatiable Princess will deliver rum for as far as she can go and last.  On board with the Captain will be the King, Labaguette, Chloroph and the monkeys.”

“And Birdseye?”

“Birdseye must come with us,” Spinostress says hesitating, “he belongs here.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 389

As quarrels on the Insatiable Princess linger, and unbeknownst to all, Chloroph, ignored, has made his way through the meandering Rigorousys’ pathways and, hissing at his hook generated dog-plant urges it to find the two missing monkeys.

There, at the top of a thin, high tower that rises above the city tallest buildings, clouds and mist, Chloroph discovers two grown up, white as snow monkeys deliberately weaving ropes of their own making outside the smallest possible window he’s ever seen.  The pattern of the rope stuck to the walls of the building is not unlike that of a smartly designed spider web or possibly more like that of the most intricate snowflake when viewed from a microscope.

What puzzles Chloroph is that the monkeys aren’t bound by chains or anything that points to their being held prisoners, and so Chloroph begins to stare at them with purposeful intent as his words urging them to get out and make their way to the ship are being ignored.  To no avail.  Bewildered, yet surrendering to their will, Chloroph watches as the monkeys attach his wrists to nails on the wall, followed by his dog plant.  Then, as if the monkeys had been waiting for Chloroph to appear all along, they attach themselves by means of their tails to the wall and hold Chloroph by the arms.  Finally, they open their mouth as if to scream but no sound is heard.

In a white flash, the entire tower crumbles and folds into a pattern dictated by that of the ropes outside the building, crumpling the tower and reducing it to a sparkly white and light beige rolling ball through which everything can be seen from the inside without anyone suffering the effects of position, pressure, movement and speed.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 388

In the Book of Universal Time, the legend has it that Spinostress and the Colonel’s arguments were never ending and that these drove the planet’s inhabitants to get back into the natural order of things they had previously been accustomed to.  This was flying by means of boxes, in order and according to rank.  This also meant that, from now on, Colonel Loga followed Spinostress in her every footstep to ensure she understood the natural laws dictated by a newly liberated (and soon to be re-controlled) RythmaRymosthesis.  This especially implied maintaining her ignorance so that she would never come to realise the Rum River’s true self-generating power.  In truth, no one ever knew exactly who of the two followed the other.  Suffice is to know that one was anywhere the other could be found and vice versa.

Mostly, they worked in unison and concentrated on the boxes’ birth giving abilities, particularly to that of the boxes’ own kind and also to other life forms through genetic manipulation and not least, to the growing of functioning wings for all.

Now, the growing of functioning wings part, as far as this story is concerned, will never eventuate in this author’s lifetime but it is known that Spinostress will one day become the recipient of the first big pair of mechanical wings, (not unlike Labaguette’s), built and attached through mechanical fixtures onto her back, to great expense as many wings generating boxes will be sacrificed before such result is achieved.  But I digress.  Where were we?

To be continued…