THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 482

“Yes.  Yes.  I’m alive,” Captain Sunblast utters, touching his head, arms and legs as if he expected to explode at any moment while Labaguette rolls his eyes under the relieved yet guarded watch of Captains Starcrusher and Clusterflame.

“I shall endeavour to make planet Earth great again to help spreading the word over the whole wide world and beyond, promote the benefits of my organic Rum trade and resolve timing issues, backward and forward, you have my word.”

“Juré, craché ” Labaguette mutters, spitting over the Captain’s shoulder.

“Your turn, Captain Starcrusher,” Captain Traumatic insists, “be brave, be courageous and you shall be Knight of Mine, a Knight of the Order.  Your speeding pledge is—”

“—not speeding but speeding gear if I may, I wish for the speed instruments to be the greatest, to allow travel through the time wall and beyond.”

Captain Traumatic’s swords once more descends softly on the cosmonaut’s helmet, cracking it open.

“—And I shall do all that is in my power to help you with speeding and all that it entails,” he says, “including defending you against universal roaming cops.  Time will no longer be a speeding factor and we shall not grow old while Rum will abound and flow for ever as I will prosper.”

“I,… I live,” Captain Starcrusher says, puzzled yet smiling.

“You Sir,” Captain Traumatic says turning to Captain Clusterflame, “wish to make your country great.  Which country have you got in mind?”

“Roamers, fools, colourful and imperfect creatures of all kinds shall be expunged from my country’s soil and re-directed to where they belong in order to protect the natural order of things and beyond.”

“Redirected to a space program?”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 481

“Upon answering a question each, I shall make you my Knights and you will be the subjects of and be protected in return by the Order of the Pirates’ Pandemonium Resolutions.”

“I’m the commander in charge, they answer my orders, leave them aside.”

“It’s as I say.  You’re trespassing on my ship.  You submit to my Command if you want me back with you on planet Earth at your estimated year time of 2578.”

Then Captain Sunblast bends on one knee in front of the Captain who raises his sword above the Captain’s helmet.

“Well, well,” the Captain says, “tell me, aside bringing me and my consorts back to Earth, what is your mission?”

“To make planet Earth great again: it is in grave danger.  You can help resetting its clock.”

Then the Captain asks Captains Starcrusher and Clusterflame the same question.

“To make this shuttle’s time speeding gear to be the greatest,” Captain Starcrusher answers.

“To make my country great again,” Clusterflame says.

Then the Captain, in silence, gently lowers his sword on Captain’s Sunblast’s right shoulder before laying it on his helmet.  Labaguette following the blade’s movement at a short distance, takes up each of the sword’s position, eager to be once again part of this long lost ritual.  As the tip of the blade touches the helmet a second time, the helmet cracks open and shatters onto the planks of the Insatiable Princess.

“Breathe!” Captain Traumatic orders as Captain Sunblast opens his eyes wide revealing some state of panic, anticipating his imminent death before uttering a smile, realising he won’t die just yet.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 480

“The Insatiable Mermaid is no more.  She earned her title of Princess through hard work and enduring loyalty.”

“She’s a ship.”

“Note that the Captain forgot his name eons ago,” the Fool remarks, beaming, “he forgot it but he is now forgetting it on purpose.  As to the Insatiable Princes we—”

“—Suppose I did.  Suppose I forgot my name.  What do you want from me?” Captain Traumatic asks.

“We’ve orders to bring you back to Earth.”

“I’m a pirate.  I am the proud owner of the most indomitable, rebellious and nomadic soul there is.”

“Is it Moi?” Labaguette asks.

“Shut up fuckwit!” the Captain says.”

“Captain, we must be getting back on the road.  Time is precious when you travel afar.  Time storms abound and these can distract our compasses.  We need to get back to the year we left, give or take a few seconds or a few weeks.”

“And what year was that?” the Fool asks.

“2578.”

“We were there before you,” the Captain remarks, “your time doesn’t suit us.  If you want to take us back to Earth, you take us back to 1602.”

“It could be done but only once we’ve gotten back to our year first.”

“Why?”

“We must take you there with a more appropriate shuttle, one which travels unambiguously backwards in time and one which could contain your ship.”

“Prove you are from Earth,” the Captain says.

“Make me your Knight and let us guide you back to Earth.”

“Well then, first, take your armour or this ludicrous hat off.”

“We wouldn’t be able to survive without this attire, Sir Anectodick.”

“I’ve no such attire and I live.”

“Couldn’t breathe without it.”

“You poor sod, must be a terrible disease.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 479

Labaguette perches on Captain Sunblast’s shoulder and examines the printed note.

“This bird sitting on my Captain’s hat looks like me, a very close resemblance but….  You painted that?”

“It is you Labaguette.”

In the air around them, an invisible, powerful gasp of surprise is expressed and felt.  Captain Traumatic and Labaguette look at each other, confused for the first second, knowingly for the last two.

“What do you want from us?  Why are we your prisoners?” the Captain asks.

“We’ve come in peace.  We’ve been searching for you for many centuries.  We come from planet Earth, your planet, our planet, to save you.  You hold a key, that of timelessness.  You’ve achieved the impossible.  I repeat, we come in peace.  We will show you the way back to Earth and to where you came from exactly.”

“I am not who you say I am.  Release us and pass your way.”

“You are who you are whom you say you are not.  You’re the one, the one who fell from Earth, the only one.  You created flexibility out of a fixed and rigid mathematical rule.”

“I fell…” the Captain says, frowning, “Indeed I fell.  I fell with Labaguette and the Insatiable Princess but you are mistaken.  How could you possibly know about it?  You come disguised.  In truth, you’re pirates after my rum.”

“We travel through time.  We can look into past and in future by calculating the exact parallel upon which one was or will be travelling and find every information to retrace one such road or pathway or parallel.  What is more, the Insatiable Princess’ real name is the Insatiable Mermaid, why—”

To be continued…