THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 479

Labaguette perches on Captain Sunblast’s shoulder and examines the printed note.

“This bird sitting on my Captain’s hat looks like me, a very close resemblance but….  You painted that?”

“It is you Labaguette.”

In the air around them, an invisible, powerful gasp of surprise is expressed and felt.  Captain Traumatic and Labaguette look at each other, confused for the first second, knowingly for the last two.

“What do you want from us?  Why are we your prisoners?” the Captain asks.

“We’ve come in peace.  We’ve been searching for you for many centuries.  We come from planet Earth, your planet, our planet, to save you.  You hold a key, that of timelessness.  You’ve achieved the impossible.  I repeat, we come in peace.  We will show you the way back to Earth and to where you came from exactly.”

“I am not who you say I am.  Release us and pass your way.”

“You are who you are whom you say you are not.  You’re the one, the one who fell from Earth, the only one.  You created flexibility out of a fixed and rigid mathematical rule.”

“I fell…” the Captain says, frowning, “Indeed I fell.  I fell with Labaguette and the Insatiable Princess but you are mistaken.  How could you possibly know about it?  You come disguised.  In truth, you’re pirates after my rum.”

“We travel through time.  We can look into past and in future by calculating the exact parallel upon which one was or will be travelling and find every information to retrace one such road or pathway or parallel.  What is more, the Insatiable Princess’ real name is the Insatiable Mermaid, why—”

To be continued…

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THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 478

Imprinted on their suits, in bright shiny fluorescent colours, the letters and symbols of the Nasa Recovery Space Shuttle, CT Mission sparkle and dazzle for all to see, for all to notice.

“Howdy!” Labaguette says, saluting with one wing lifted.

The Fool runs around the cosmonauts, pulling faces, dancing, jingling his wand like a mad sorcerer in trance.

“Enough!” the Captain orders, walking towards them, his brain scanning for answers within: Why the armour? He wonders, Why the helmets?  Inside they look human but if they were to remove their protective gear, what would we find inside?  Are they who they pretend to be?  What do they want?”

But the three cosmonauts stop, stand still and straight, their right arm reaching for their forehead, an unexpected salute.

“This is suspicious,” the Captain thinks as he walks around them, “they don’t know me.  I’m a pirate.  A first rate pirate, a true blue pirate:  known beyond and above all other creatures across space for my…   my rum trade.”

“You’re looking for rum?”

“Are you the Captain of this ship?”

“I’ve plenty of it.  I will negotiate with you once you show us the way out of here.  It isn’t safe.  Are we your prisoners?”

Upon these last words, the middle and taller cosmonaut takes a steps forward:

“Ay, Ay Captain Errol Seth Anectodick, we salute you.”

“You’re mistaken.  I’m Captain Traumatic.”

“Not mistaken.  You are the long lost Captain Anectodick we have been searching for.  See?” the cosmonaut says holding a piece of paper with the face of Captain Traumatic printed on it.

“Who are you?”

“Captain Ford Sunblast, and this is Joe Starcrusher, second in command, and third is Bill Clusterflame.  At your service Captain Anectodick.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 477

The Insatiable Princess’s wood screeches once more under the speed’s immense and close to unsustainable pressure it must bear along with the spin it has to extricate itself from.  Behind them, a small black hole forms, so black one would get sucked in just looking at it.  In a split second of eternity, the Insatiable Princess transports Captain Traumatic, Labaguette, Birdseye and a Fool out of the danger zone.

Exhausted by her heroic effort, the Insatiable’s Princess slows down as her sails unravel, fall flat against the masts and she comes to a stop.

“We must keep going!” Captain Traumatic urges.

“I need a rest,” Labaguette insists.

“Now is not the time,” the Captain says.

“Where to?” Birdseye asks.

“Even he who must know doesn’t know, doesn’t know, doesn’t know,” the Fool’s empty sneering words echo in the dark, in the empty space surrounding them.

“There are no stars,” Labaguette remarks, “nothing.  Any maps Captain?”

“Never mind where,” the Captains answers, “anywhere better than here.  The Insatiable Princess never does loops.”

“She has stalled, Captain,” Birdseye insists.

“This is entrapment.”

“Entrapment of a third kind,” the Fool suggests.

“Get back into King’s form, Fool,” the Captain commands, “you’re of no use.”

“This is the cloud, the veil that clouded all that I could not see before,” Birdseye remarks, “our path has been interfered with.  We are in a bubble.”

“Precisely.”

“The particles—”

And just like that, a thump is heard and felt by the side of the ship.  Soon, three cosmonauts, climb aboard, each presenting a ‘V’ sign with their index and middle fingers.

“What are they?” the Fool asks.

“They come in peace,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 474

This is when the King-of-All-Things disappears, his neck tucked inside his now prominent and protruding shoulders, as if steam was going to puff out of the hole between them, were his head to vanish with the neck.  There he goes needing to get to the bottom of this affair and find the truth about his One Egg while the Monkeys follow him, waiting for deactivation of the destructive, demonised death beams.  Here now, they knock this King off balance and the Egg is lost.  Falling off the edge of the platform.  Falling, falling.  And falling some more.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” he thunders, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

“You do have some powers don’t you?” Captain Traumatic yells, knowing, sensing some fortunate turn of events, his tongue resisting more cynicism, uncertain what this mad King might do next because sometimes, you can never, never really know.

“Here!” he continues, “catch the flag!”

Now Birdseye, on the Captain’s command, throws the Flag onto the platform as the platform appears to slant a little while the flag floats fast towards the side of the platform from which the Egg fell.

With what may have been an attempt at majestic magic, the King-of-all-Things raises arms and hands above his head, trying to magnetically attract the flag with the power contained within his hands but the platform slants some more and away, away floats the flag.

The King-of-all-Things dives into the platform and propels himself forward fast, swimming frantically towards the flag, as if fuelled by an unseen engine.

“Mermaid abilities?” Labaguette muses aloud but the platform’s angle is now tipping at a 40 degree angle.

“Gravity… this cannot be,” the Captain remarks.

“Impossible,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 458

Meanwhile, on the deck of the Insatiable Princess, all scramble to safety, the Captain attempting to regain gravity but finding none, he remains tied securely as the only safe option.  Birdeye is desperately holding on to his goggles and Labaguette, flying alongside the Insatiable Princess at speeds never experienced before, enjoying it and screaming:

“STAY!  STOP! SIT!” You don’t have to let these ropes pull you anywhere you don’t want to go, you’re the Master of your own fate!  STOOOOP!”

“A perfect control freak himself,” the Captain muses, “that bird will never learn.”

The ship gains in speed and they traverse time zones of consequential misproportions, including timelessness, horizons of greens, stars of fire and stones, planets of streaks and polka dots, unexplored and unattended space vacuums, except for the present crew and ship, rushing past, not intending to be there but being there all the same, their lives and their ship spinning out of control into worlds of unfathomable space oddities.

There comes a time and a space when the crew sees nothing, hears nothing and the Insatiable Princess, after rushing with such haste that it almost disintegrated, finally begins to float within the confines of a space that is so dark and so dense that Captain Traumatic, Birdseye and Labaguette fall into a trance and, as they continue breathing as if caught in a slow motion dream, gradually regaining gravity before falling like thick wood onto the ships’ planks.

They cannot feel the ropes patting their limbs, grabbing them and pulling them inside the hull, blindfolding them.  When they wake up again, they are unable to remove the tight white scarves neatly bound over their eyes.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 454

“—What the heckety-fuck?” the Captain wonders as the approaching shuttle hovers a few meters above the Insatiable Princes with three white, large elastic ropes tightly wrapped around it and a large white Monkey with gold speckled fur standing on the tip of it.  This Monkey’s stature is impressive and if he weren’t so calm, you could swear you could hear him talk and give orders.  And on one such mute signal, three smaller monkeys with golden antennae swing about and settle on his shoulders before being launched into the skies, helped by the elasticity of the ropes, pulling the shuttle with them at high speed, the four of them disappearing into the darkness and beyond, as if propelled by a giant slingshot.

“The shuttle wasn’t falling!” the Captain affirms, “unless the legend has it wrong.”

“Legends can never be altered,” the King-of-all-Things remarks, “there’s catching and catching: if you’re not catching it falling, you retrieve it before falls.”

“We must follow them,” the Captain says, “all aboard, to your posts!”

“They’re gone,” King U. remarks, “there’s no trace of them.  We can’t—”

As he speaks, the insides of the Insatiable Princess reveal themselves slowly by lurking out of the deck’s exits, white, luminescent ropes smelling, sensing and assessing the air and their circumstances.

“—The ropes will follow their makers and masters,” Birdseye says, his dark goggles looking darker than usual.

Captain Traumatic descends on the deck, firmly tied to his ship before catching one of the white, Monkey made ropes and securing himself with it.

“Why?” Labaguette asks.

“For security, safety and speed.”

“Speed?”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 452

“It’s approaching,” the Captain says, “clear the deck!  Give it some space!”

“Space for what?” King U asks.

“To land.”

“I see no land, only a—”

“—a ship must ship on another ship, this ship.  We must welcome it.  It brings good news.  I know.”

“There’s no room on the Insatiable Princess,” King U say as Labaguette nods. “How—”

“—What’s this behind it, hopping from star to star, infinitely small?”

“Their father.”

“Birdseye!”

“You might try and float,” the Captain suggests.

“The Syck Monkey?” King U asks.

All turn towards the bright spot moving fast behind the rocket.

“The rocket isn’t falling, it is coming towards us,” the Captain says, “it cannot be The Syck Monkey.

Three Monkeys climb atop a mast as if drawn to a magnet.

“Their father,” Birdseye repeats, standing up.

“He only catches the falling,” the Captain says.

“The fallen is included,” The King-of-All-Things adds.

“This may be the bottommost dump there is,” Labaguette remarks, perching on his saviour’s shoulder, “but we’re only here temporarily, we’ve nothing to do with the fallen.”

“Consider this,” the King-of-All-Things says, “this universe is that of nowhere and everywhere all contained within.  You are at the top and at the bottom of everything and your right stretches until it reaches the far left.”

“Were we to fall a little further, we would find ourselves at the top of everything,” King U says, “I understand.”

“When one reaches this Kingdom,” the King-of-all-Things maintains, “one cannot fall beyond it and legitimately acquires its status: the fallen.”

“Recovery Space Shuttle is getting near, clear the deck!” the Captain orders.

“It’ll never make it,” Birdseye states.

To be continued…