THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 487

But as the universe has it – and all universes by the same token, as is well known but worth repeating – some rule is broken and what is expected becomes unexpected, all of a sudden and very… unexpectedly.

So it goes that Captain Traumatic finds solace for his boredom in his beloved Rum, waiting for the ultimate goal of their trip to appear on the horizon line, should the universe become flat for a little while.  What a waste he muses, all those worlds going by remaining unexplored and unconquered.  Wouldn’t it be nice to own a couple of them at the very least?  So many with such potential, so many needing a leader.  He recalls the Planet of Books which he was unable to save.  If he had a planet of his own, he would—

“—Captain!” Labaguette yells, “we can’t possibly be heading back home without something to show for.”

“We’ll conquer some more ships when we’re back.”

“There’s an interesting cluster a few degrees North,” Birdseye adds, tentatively.

Then the King-Fool begins to sing, dance and gesticulate in excitement.  “One must never give up, give up, give up.”  And again: “One must never give up, give up, give up,” he chants.

“Give up what?” Labaguette asks, perching on his wand, entertained, wanting some more.

“Exploring.  Home is death, desolation, an end to your purpose.”

“I will be a hero, tell me more.”

“You’ll be hero especially if you bring something back which gives you power.  Else, you’ll be a hero for one day and then sink into oblivion the very next day.”

“Captain!”

“He’s drunk.  We must act now.”

To be continued…

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THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 480

“The Insatiable Mermaid is no more.  She earned her title of Princess through hard work and enduring loyalty.”

“She’s a ship.”

“Note that the Captain forgot his name eons ago,” the Fool remarks, beaming, “he forgot it but he is now forgetting it on purpose.  As to the Insatiable Princes we—”

“—Suppose I did.  Suppose I forgot my name.  What do you want from me?” Captain Traumatic asks.

“We’ve orders to bring you back to Earth.”

“I’m a pirate.  I am the proud owner of the most indomitable, rebellious and nomadic soul there is.”

“Is it Moi?” Labaguette asks.

“Shut up fuckwit!” the Captain says.”

“Captain, we must be getting back on the road.  Time is precious when you travel afar.  Time storms abound and these can distract our compasses.  We need to get back to the year we left, give or take a few seconds or a few weeks.”

“And what year was that?” the Fool asks.

“2578.”

“We were there before you,” the Captain remarks, “your time doesn’t suit us.  If you want to take us back to Earth, you take us back to 1602.”

“It could be done but only once we’ve gotten back to our year first.”

“Why?”

“We must take you there with a more appropriate shuttle, one which travels unambiguously backwards in time and one which could contain your ship.”

“Prove you are from Earth,” the Captain says.

“Make me your Knight and let us guide you back to Earth.”

“Well then, first, take your armour or this ludicrous hat off.”

“We wouldn’t be able to survive without this attire, Sir Anectodick.”

“I’ve no such attire and I live.”

“Couldn’t breathe without it.”

“You poor sod, must be a terrible disease.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 479

Labaguette perches on Captain Sunblast’s shoulder and examines the printed note.

“This bird sitting on my Captain’s hat looks like me, a very close resemblance but….  You painted that?”

“It is you Labaguette.”

In the air around them, an invisible, powerful gasp of surprise is expressed and felt.  Captain Traumatic and Labaguette look at each other, confused for the first second, knowingly for the last two.

“What do you want from us?  Why are we your prisoners?” the Captain asks.

“We’ve come in peace.  We’ve been searching for you for many centuries.  We come from planet Earth, your planet, our planet, to save you.  You hold a key, that of timelessness.  You’ve achieved the impossible.  I repeat, we come in peace.  We will show you the way back to Earth and to where you came from exactly.”

“I am not who you say I am.  Release us and pass your way.”

“You are who you are whom you say you are not.  You’re the one, the one who fell from Earth, the only one.  You created flexibility out of a fixed and rigid mathematical rule.”

“I fell…” the Captain says, frowning, “Indeed I fell.  I fell with Labaguette and the Insatiable Princess but you are mistaken.  How could you possibly know about it?  You come disguised.  In truth, you’re pirates after my rum.”

“We travel through time.  We can look into past and in future by calculating the exact parallel upon which one was or will be travelling and find every information to retrace one such road or pathway or parallel.  What is more, the Insatiable Princess’ real name is the Insatiable Mermaid, why—”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 477

The Insatiable Princess’s wood screeches once more under the speed’s immense and close to unsustainable pressure it must bear along with the spin it has to extricate itself from.  Behind them, a small black hole forms, so black one would get sucked in just looking at it.  In a split second of eternity, the Insatiable Princess transports Captain Traumatic, Labaguette, Birdseye and a Fool out of the danger zone.

Exhausted by her heroic effort, the Insatiable’s Princess slows down as her sails unravel, fall flat against the masts and she comes to a stop.

“We must keep going!” Captain Traumatic urges.

“I need a rest,” Labaguette insists.

“Now is not the time,” the Captain says.

“Where to?” Birdseye asks.

“Even he who must know doesn’t know, doesn’t know, doesn’t know,” the Fool’s empty sneering words echo in the dark, in the empty space surrounding them.

“There are no stars,” Labaguette remarks, “nothing.  Any maps Captain?”

“Never mind where,” the Captains answers, “anywhere better than here.  The Insatiable Princess never does loops.”

“She has stalled, Captain,” Birdseye insists.

“This is entrapment.”

“Entrapment of a third kind,” the Fool suggests.

“Get back into King’s form, Fool,” the Captain commands, “you’re of no use.”

“This is the cloud, the veil that clouded all that I could not see before,” Birdseye remarks, “our path has been interfered with.  We are in a bubble.”

“Precisely.”

“The particles—”

And just like that, a thump is heard and felt by the side of the ship.  Soon, three cosmonauts, climb aboard, each presenting a ‘V’ sign with their index and middle fingers.

“What are they?” the Fool asks.

“They come in peace,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 476

“You believe in your ‘impossible’ now?” Labaguette asks.

“I adapt.  I learn from my mistakes,” Birdseye says, “even if extremely rare.”

“Say you’re sorry,” Labaguette urges.

“Not a real mistake.  Vision was clouded by—”

“—There’s no time,” the Captain insists, “the platform is going into a spin.  We must leave.”

This is exactly when a zooming giant Monkey with a flag and an egg in one arm and a King in the other, bursts past their eyes, all lit up and ululating, a bunch of smaller monkeys attached to his legs.  They merely pass by them and lift up fast before disappearing beyond the rolling universe.

“By Jove!” the Captain exclaims, “the Syck Monckey!”

“Clouded by what?” Labaguette asks Birdseye.

“By—”

“—there is no time, did you hear me?  BACK TO YOUR POSTS NOW!” Captain Traumatic thunders.

As the Insatiable Princess gains in distance and speed, an entire universe begins to topple onto itself with the platform starting a slow, relentless spin that attracts everything into its path.

“The egg’s weight disturbed the gravity of this universe,” Birdseye explains with Labaguette perched on his shoulder, “it wasn’t meant to be here.  It belongs to the Syck Monckey.”

“We’ll never know its secrets.”

“It is the original Egg Labaguette,” Birdseye affirms, “the One.  The Egg of creation.  Nothing would exist as we know it if this Egg didn’t exist.”

“Get to business!” King Krackskull yells, looking more like the Fool he has become, than a King, “get to business,” he says, his crown now a mere copper circle surrounding his head, one perennial, sagging flower sprouting from it, in need of care.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 474

This is when the King-of-All-Things disappears, his neck tucked inside his now prominent and protruding shoulders, as if steam was going to puff out of the hole between them, were his head to vanish with the neck.  There he goes needing to get to the bottom of this affair and find the truth about his One Egg while the Monkeys follow him, waiting for deactivation of the destructive, demonised death beams.  Here now, they knock this King off balance and the Egg is lost.  Falling off the edge of the platform.  Falling, falling.  And falling some more.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” he thunders, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

“You do have some powers don’t you?” Captain Traumatic yells, knowing, sensing some fortunate turn of events, his tongue resisting more cynicism, uncertain what this mad King might do next because sometimes, you can never, never really know.

“Here!” he continues, “catch the flag!”

Now Birdseye, on the Captain’s command, throws the Flag onto the platform as the platform appears to slant a little while the flag floats fast towards the side of the platform from which the Egg fell.

With what may have been an attempt at majestic magic, the King-of-all-Things raises arms and hands above his head, trying to magnetically attract the flag with the power contained within his hands but the platform slants some more and away, away floats the flag.

The King-of-all-Things dives into the platform and propels himself forward fast, swimming frantically towards the flag, as if fuelled by an unseen engine.

“Mermaid abilities?” Labaguette muses aloud but the platform’s angle is now tipping at a 40 degree angle.

“Gravity… this cannot be,” the Captain remarks.

“Impossible,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 473

“Here goes The—”

“—a decoy, Fool.  WHO COMES NEAR?” the King-of-All-Things asks.

“HEEE HAAA!” the Captain yells as Labaguette swoops past the King-of-all-Things, screaming: “A BABORD!  A BABORD!”  The Insatiable Princess had landed in the shadow, behind the King-of-all-Things kingdom and is now floating on the platform with reluctance, willing to take flight at the wink from her Commander.

“Utter madness!” the King-of-all-Things mutters, “they’ve lost it.  I must rid—”

“—They’re back!” the Fool exclaims, “can’t you see?  They’re back.  They will free me.”

“Not so fast, Fool, not so fast.”

Atop a mast of the Insatiable Princess, a majestic man bird stands proudly, his elegant tail spreading its glistening feather, his goggles shining bright.  He holds an egg.  He holds a flag.

“Give me the flag and show some respect, Bird-Man!”

“The Syck Monkey’s children are just that: children.  They’re ready to throw some more.”

“You want the Fool back?  Give me the Flag.”

“It’s the Egg or the flag?”

“You give me the Flag and I give you the Egg.  Do you understand?”

This is when Birdseye switches his goggles on full blare and an Egg of a thousand lights brighten this universe’s entire surroundings.

“I own The One.  It is contained in a restricted area.  Can’t be touched nor retrieved.  It’s protected by destructive and demonised death beams.  I won’t be tricked.”

“This is The One.  T’wasn’t that hard for them Monkeys to grab it before we landed and the monkeys you’re looking at are not cadavers.  They look rather bright and sparkly, don’t you think?”

To be continued…