THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 483

“Precisely.  Relegated to the Junkyard Space Program for all those not fitting with the Purpose via minimisation: nano particles shall be reduced to nano size multiplied by itself to infinity.”

“Which country is this?”

“My country encompasses all, I shall help its border extensive extension’s propensity.”

“I was King.  Now I am Fool,” King Krackskull Fool says, “what category would I fit in?”

“Ha!” Labaguette exclaims.

“You’re the foolishest fool of them all!” Birdseye says, turning to Captain Clusterflame.

“There’s no time for debate,” Captain Traumatic says, all fine print and subtext will be discussed later.”

“But Captain, a fool such as this one cannot be knighted, much like King Krackskull’s status is no longer that of King.”

“What is it with you Birdseye?”  Are you scared?  Do you wish to be Knight of mine?”

“I do not speak for nothing.”

“Capitaine,” Labaguette says, “Birdseye may have a point, check your library, check your books.”

“We must be getting on.”

Upon these words, Captain Traumatic raises his sword, taps it three times onto Captain Custerflame’s helmet, saying:

“And, I, shall endeavour to promote thorough cleaning of space and its surroundings by means of inter-galactically mixed and organically grown Rum sprinkling and spraying so that crumbs and left overs of all such elements as you described shall disintegrate and space be purified.”

The cosmonaut’s helmet cracks, shatters onto the ship’s woo and he takes his first breath of airspace.

Birdseye turns to space, his goggles lit up and send two powerful laser beam deep into the darkness, illuminating the nothingness all around them, uncovering more depth of nothingness, forming displays of lit up pictures: helmets, barbed wires, Batman’s logo, nuclear explosions and crosses momentarily appear, thus closing the knighthood ritual.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 482

“Yes.  Yes.  I’m alive,” Captain Sunblast utters, touching his head, arms and legs as if he expected to explode at any moment while Labaguette rolls his eyes under the relieved yet guarded watch of Captains Starcrusher and Clusterflame.

“I shall endeavour to make planet Earth great again to help spreading the word over the whole wide world and beyond, promote the benefits of my organic Rum trade and resolve timing issues, backward and forward, you have my word.”

“Juré, craché ” Labaguette mutters, spitting over the Captain’s shoulder.

“Your turn, Captain Starcrusher,” Captain Traumatic insists, “be brave, be courageous and you shall be Knight of Mine, a Knight of the Order.  Your speeding pledge is—”

“—not speeding but speeding gear if I may, I wish for the speed instruments to be the greatest, to allow travel through the time wall and beyond.”

Captain Traumatic’s swords once more descends softly on the cosmonaut’s helmet, cracking it open.

“—And I shall do all that is in my power to help you with speeding and all that it entails,” he says, “including defending you against universal roaming cops.  Time will no longer be a speeding factor and we shall not grow old while Rum will abound and flow for ever as I will prosper.”

“I,… I live,” Captain Starcrusher says, puzzled yet smiling.

“You Sir,” Captain Traumatic says turning to Captain Clusterflame, “wish to make your country great.  Which country have you got in mind?”

“Roamers, fools, colourful and imperfect creatures of all kinds shall be expunged from my country’s soil and re-directed to where they belong in order to protect the natural order of things and beyond.”

“Redirected to a space program?”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 481

“Upon answering a question each, I shall make you my Knights and you will be the subjects of and be protected in return by the Order of the Pirates’ Pandemonium Resolutions.”

“I’m the commander in charge, they answer my orders, leave them aside.”

“It’s as I say.  You’re trespassing on my ship.  You submit to my Command if you want me back with you on planet Earth at your estimated year time of 2578.”

Then Captain Sunblast bends on one knee in front of the Captain who raises his sword above the Captain’s helmet.

“Well, well,” the Captain says, “tell me, aside bringing me and my consorts back to Earth, what is your mission?”

“To make planet Earth great again: it is in grave danger.  You can help resetting its clock.”

Then the Captain asks Captains Starcrusher and Clusterflame the same question.

“To make this shuttle’s time speeding gear to be the greatest,” Captain Starcrusher answers.

“To make my country great again,” Clusterflame says.

Then the Captain, in silence, gently lowers his sword on Captain’s Sunblast’s right shoulder before laying it on his helmet.  Labaguette following the blade’s movement at a short distance, takes up each of the sword’s position, eager to be once again part of this long lost ritual.  As the tip of the blade touches the helmet a second time, the helmet cracks open and shatters onto the planks of the Insatiable Princess.

“Breathe!” Captain Traumatic orders as Captain Sunblast opens his eyes wide revealing some state of panic, anticipating his imminent death before uttering a smile, realising he won’t die just yet.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 477

The Insatiable Princess’s wood screeches once more under the speed’s immense and close to unsustainable pressure it must bear along with the spin it has to extricate itself from.  Behind them, a small black hole forms, so black one would get sucked in just looking at it.  In a split second of eternity, the Insatiable Princess transports Captain Traumatic, Labaguette, Birdseye and a Fool out of the danger zone.

Exhausted by her heroic effort, the Insatiable’s Princess slows down as her sails unravel, fall flat against the masts and she comes to a stop.

“We must keep going!” Captain Traumatic urges.

“I need a rest,” Labaguette insists.

“Now is not the time,” the Captain says.

“Where to?” Birdseye asks.

“Even he who must know doesn’t know, doesn’t know, doesn’t know,” the Fool’s empty sneering words echo in the dark, in the empty space surrounding them.

“There are no stars,” Labaguette remarks, “nothing.  Any maps Captain?”

“Never mind where,” the Captains answers, “anywhere better than here.  The Insatiable Princess never does loops.”

“She has stalled, Captain,” Birdseye insists.

“This is entrapment.”

“Entrapment of a third kind,” the Fool suggests.

“Get back into King’s form, Fool,” the Captain commands, “you’re of no use.”

“This is the cloud, the veil that clouded all that I could not see before,” Birdseye remarks, “our path has been interfered with.  We are in a bubble.”

“Precisely.”

“The particles—”

And just like that, a thump is heard and felt by the side of the ship.  Soon, three cosmonauts, climb aboard, each presenting a ‘V’ sign with their index and middle fingers.

“What are they?” the Fool asks.

“They come in peace,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 476

“You believe in your ‘impossible’ now?” Labaguette asks.

“I adapt.  I learn from my mistakes,” Birdseye says, “even if extremely rare.”

“Say you’re sorry,” Labaguette urges.

“Not a real mistake.  Vision was clouded by—”

“—There’s no time,” the Captain insists, “the platform is going into a spin.  We must leave.”

This is exactly when a zooming giant Monkey with a flag and an egg in one arm and a King in the other, bursts past their eyes, all lit up and ululating, a bunch of smaller monkeys attached to his legs.  They merely pass by them and lift up fast before disappearing beyond the rolling universe.

“By Jove!” the Captain exclaims, “the Syck Monckey!”

“Clouded by what?” Labaguette asks Birdseye.

“By—”

“—there is no time, did you hear me?  BACK TO YOUR POSTS NOW!” Captain Traumatic thunders.

As the Insatiable Princess gains in distance and speed, an entire universe begins to topple onto itself with the platform starting a slow, relentless spin that attracts everything into its path.

“The egg’s weight disturbed the gravity of this universe,” Birdseye explains with Labaguette perched on his shoulder, “it wasn’t meant to be here.  It belongs to the Syck Monckey.”

“We’ll never know its secrets.”

“It is the original Egg Labaguette,” Birdseye affirms, “the One.  The Egg of creation.  Nothing would exist as we know it if this Egg didn’t exist.”

“Get to business!” King Krackskull yells, looking more like the Fool he has become, than a King, “get to business,” he says, his crown now a mere copper circle surrounding his head, one perennial, sagging flower sprouting from it, in need of care.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 475

And yet…

“I feel dizzy,” Labaguette says, passing one of his wings by his face, a diva in the making.

“You’re all fixed Labaguette,” the Captain says, “you can’t have one of your turns again, not now, now ever.  Don’t need your crap.”

Labaguette takes flight.

“It feels better in the air,” he says, “look!  Everything is sliding on the Insatiable Princess.  Do you believe me know?”

Captain Traumatic rushes to free the ship from the platform as the slanting increases.

Further adrift, the King-of-all-Things has swum to the edge of the platform.  He leans forward, using his mighty powers, or what is left of them, conjuring the egg to fly back to him.  Behind him, three monkeys are catching up, victorious in having retrieved a flag, yet all too eager to catch what fell and the fallen a second from now.

“The stars around us are tipping in the same direction as the platform,” Labaguette remarks.

“Impossible,” Birdseye says.

“But true,” the Captain adds.

“A BAAAABOOOOORD!” Labaguette urges once more.

“A Babord!” King Krackskull repeats, an odd smile parading at the tip of his lips.

The platform has now reached a 180 degrees angle, it is perpendicular to the Insatiable Princess.  Everything is sliding from the platform: a never ending supply of water, mountains and turtles unnoticed before, all are falling into the vast nothingness.  This is happening straight after the King-of-all-Things fell from it, still believing he could attract the Egg back, with three Monkeys riding a flag zooming past this King at an impossible speed, hoping to catch the Egg, hoping all the while their father isn’t far behind.

“This entire universe is falling onto itself,” the Captain murmurs.

“It is only the beginning,” Birdseye comments.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 474

This is when the King-of-All-Things disappears, his neck tucked inside his now prominent and protruding shoulders, as if steam was going to puff out of the hole between them, were his head to vanish with the neck.  There he goes needing to get to the bottom of this affair and find the truth about his One Egg while the Monkeys follow him, waiting for deactivation of the destructive, demonised death beams.  Here now, they knock this King off balance and the Egg is lost.  Falling off the edge of the platform.  Falling, falling.  And falling some more.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” he thunders, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

“You do have some powers don’t you?” Captain Traumatic yells, knowing, sensing some fortunate turn of events, his tongue resisting more cynicism, uncertain what this mad King might do next because sometimes, you can never, never really know.

“Here!” he continues, “catch the flag!”

Now Birdseye, on the Captain’s command, throws the Flag onto the platform as the platform appears to slant a little while the flag floats fast towards the side of the platform from which the Egg fell.

With what may have been an attempt at majestic magic, the King-of-all-Things raises arms and hands above his head, trying to magnetically attract the flag with the power contained within his hands but the platform slants some more and away, away floats the flag.

The King-of-all-Things dives into the platform and propels himself forward fast, swimming frantically towards the flag, as if fuelled by an unseen engine.

“Mermaid abilities?” Labaguette muses aloud but the platform’s angle is now tipping at a 40 degree angle.

“Gravity… this cannot be,” the Captain remarks.

“Impossible,” Birdseye confirms.

To be continued…