THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 478

Imprinted on their suits, in bright shiny fluorescent colours, the letters and symbols of the Nasa Recovery Space Shuttle, CT Mission sparkle and dazzle for all to see, for all to notice.

“Howdy!” Labaguette says, saluting with one wing lifted.

The Fool runs around the cosmonauts, pulling faces, dancing, jingling his wand like a mad sorcerer in trance.

“Enough!” the Captain orders, walking towards them, his brain scanning for answers within: Why the armour? He wonders, Why the helmets?  Inside they look human but if they were to remove their protective gear, what would we find inside?  Are they who they pretend to be?  What do they want?”

But the three cosmonauts stop, stand still and straight, their right arm reaching for their forehead, an unexpected salute.

“This is suspicious,” the Captain thinks as he walks around them, “they don’t know me.  I’m a pirate.  A first rate pirate, a true blue pirate:  known beyond and above all other creatures across space for my…   my rum trade.”

“You’re looking for rum?”

“Are you the Captain of this ship?”

“I’ve plenty of it.  I will negotiate with you once you show us the way out of here.  It isn’t safe.  Are we your prisoners?”

Upon these last words, the middle and taller cosmonaut takes a steps forward:

“Ay, Ay Captain Errol Seth Anectodick, we salute you.”

“You’re mistaken.  I’m Captain Traumatic.”

“Not mistaken.  You are the long lost Captain Anectodick we have been searching for.  See?” the cosmonaut says holding a piece of paper with the face of Captain Traumatic printed on it.

“Who are you?”

“Captain Ford Sunblast, and this is Joe Starcrusher, second in command, and third is Bill Clusterflame.  At your service Captain Anectodick.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 475

And yet…

“I feel dizzy,” Labaguette says, passing one of his wings by his face, a diva in the making.

“You’re all fixed Labaguette,” the Captain says, “you can’t have one of your turns again, not now, now ever.  Don’t need your crap.”

Labaguette takes flight.

“It feels better in the air,” he says, “look!  Everything is sliding on the Insatiable Princess.  Do you believe me know?”

Captain Traumatic rushes to free the ship from the platform as the slanting increases.

Further adrift, the King-of-all-Things has swum to the edge of the platform.  He leans forward, using his mighty powers, or what is left of them, conjuring the egg to fly back to him.  Behind him, three monkeys are catching up, victorious in having retrieved a flag, yet all too eager to catch what fell and the fallen a second from now.

“The stars around us are tipping in the same direction as the platform,” Labaguette remarks.

“Impossible,” Birdseye says.

“But true,” the Captain adds.

“A BAAAABOOOOORD!” Labaguette urges once more.

“A Babord!” King Krackskull repeats, an odd smile parading at the tip of his lips.

The platform has now reached a 180 degrees angle, it is perpendicular to the Insatiable Princess.  Everything is sliding from the platform: a never ending supply of water, mountains and turtles unnoticed before, all are falling into the vast nothingness.  This is happening straight after the King-of-all-Things fell from it, still believing he could attract the Egg back, with three Monkeys riding a flag zooming past this King at an impossible speed, hoping to catch the Egg, hoping all the while their father isn’t far behind.

“This entire universe is falling onto itself,” the Captain murmurs.

“It is only the beginning,” Birdseye comments.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 472

“I hold the Egg of Creation.  The one before ‘before’, the one laid by the Mother of all Theories.”

“The voices convinced you, didn’t they?”

“You and I could share a Kingdom.  I am willing to share my Kingdom with you, don’t you see?”

“I can hold my own.”

“The Syck Monkey dropped the Egg, Fool.  Figure this: this Monkey never lets anything fall out of his grip, it never happened before, it is unlikely to re-occur.  Except there was this one time when the rule was broken because that’s what happens to rules sometimes.  You see, all that the Syck Monkey catches, he holds, he secures and saves.  You know this.”

“I do.”

“Now imagine his mother, The Mother of all Theories, bestowing on him the gift of all creations, of all beginnings and of all ends, the entire beyond and its infinity all contained within one single egg, also known as ‘The One’.”

“What is your point?”

“Wait.  Patience, Fool!  Listen: now, all you need to do is to wish how to create something, anything, for The One to cook up your unborn idea into a new universe.  The One Egg, matures your principle and project into one thing and one only.  Then it cooks it until it is ready before it pops.”

“Dangerous.  Alien creatures of morbid nature may come of it.”

“The One is good.  It sees no evil and hears no evil.”

“Lucky it can’t talk right?  It’s rather farfetched.  You’ve a good imagination.”

“Thank my voices for it.”

“Your—”

Right then and there, a large egg lands on the platform, crashing loudly, disintegrating and smudging the undulating waves with egg yolk and foamy egg white.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 470

“I enjoy a state of nothingness in the vast emptiness.  It fulfils me and brings contentment,” the Fool says.

“Yet you travelled accompanied,” the King-of-all-Things remarks.

“It was accidental, a mere trick of fate.  Besides, it’s as I told you: I can’t bring my planet here.  It would be chaos.”

“An erroneous belief, you could try.”

“Your platform and my planet, they’d try and gobble each other up.”

“Hmm.  Your pride is coming in the way.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“You’re a fool, you should know that I am truthfully adaptable.  Collecting gives me a sense of belonging.”

“How can you belong when all that surrounds you is the homogenous, the multiplicity, the transmutable of everything and when nothing fits?”

“It prepares you to any eventuality.  It expands your mind.  You grow.”

“Collectable creatures are you prisoners.  You trap them in your platform and lock them there forever.”

“Call it destiny.  It’s their own doing.  They chose to come my way.  They chose to become collectables.”

“You don’t even play with them.”

“I can hear their voices.  I can hear them talking.  I understand.  It enlightens me.”

“You hear them, huh?  Like you hear me?”

“When I turn the volume up I do.  I don’t shut them up, ever.”

“What are you insinuating?”

“You’re a liar.  Your planet feeds itself of all that falls onto it.  Slowly munching, digesting and belching while you enjoy the show.”

“Not all.”

“Nearly all.”

“Rule of the jungles rules infinity.”

“Your loneliness is increased into infinity as you shut the voices down.”

“It’s not my doing.”

“It’s your ruling.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 469

In a flash, the Syck Monkey clutches his cherished possession and the Insatiable Princess is released from its mooring, rushing under the capable hands of the young monkeys, back towards the King-of-all-Things’ Universe.

“You kept your secret tight.  You could have said something.” the Captain asks.

“Never had the time,” Birdseye said.

“How did you—”

“—used a salmon’s egg but since I’m no salmon, it’s remained an empty shell.”

“Still you could have told me.  A whisper would have done.  We’re almost free, don’t you see?  Out of this rotten lost-in-space-time-continuum will be had soon and back to Earth.”

“Not so free.  Not so soon,” Birdseye says.

“Cheer up Mate!” Labaguette says, “if I didn’t know you better, I’d swear you’re about to jump this ship without wings.  Besides, what was the point of the empty shell if it’s not going to lead us anywhere safe?”

“The egg was part illusion, part shell,” Birsdeye says, “a trick of the goggles.  There was nothing growing in it.  Did we see the real Syck Monkey or not?  It was his shadow.”

“One illusion in exchange for another,” the Captain ponders.

Now, we’ve 25 universal hours to get out of this space, including out of the King-of-all-Things oceanic platform or we will become irretrievable objects forgotten in the deep oblivion of the deep corner of the Syck Monkey’s deep cavern.”

“The Syck Monkey predicted a different outcome for all of us,” Labaguette remarks.

“Maybe, maybe not.  Alternative realities abound.  It only takes a feather’s atomic particle to allow switching from one reality to another.”

Meanwhile, back on the platform where the King-of-all-Things and a Fool are debating, a storm is brewing on this Universe’s horizon.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 467

“Reality and perception are flexible.”

“You acknowledged the Earth was round, Captain.”

“Aye, aye.  The fact is that rules, any rule, enjoy bending.  And a fact’s a fact.  How else could universes of books and creatures like Mouton Blanc and Spinostress exist?”

“The Syck Monkey intends to get back to Earth,” Birdseye says.

“I reckon he wants us to bring the Mother land to him.  That way, he can’t be rejected again and on top of it, he can boast about it.”

“He would have Superman’s story in his collection,” Labaguette says, “he must know he could get back there a hero.”

“Something to do with his Ape status,” the Captain says, “he’s certain that he and his descendants are a threat to humanity.”

“They’ve no female in their species,” Labaguette remarks.

“They only need one egg, mostly through a bird’s help, although…”

And while the Captain muses and the three of them debate on theories of universes, apes and eggs of all kinds, the Syck Monkey directs his children to write on the Universe’s wall, in large black letters:

‘The Shuttle is the Saviour.  Birdseye’s wings move mountains.  The Insatiable Princess falls in love with a blue bayou.  Labaguette sits with A. Lincoln.  Captain Traumatic rises.’

Now the Syck Monkey has their undivided attention.

“He thinks he is the next prophet,” Labaguette says, “he and his puppets.”

“You understand what he is saying?” the Captain asks.

“Some prediction.  When you can’t utter a word and you live amongst shadows, the only way to power is to cast more shadows by pretending you know it all and not doubt yourself.”

“Delusional?  Can’t be.  Far-fetched.  What are you talking about Labaguette?”

“The Syck Monkey is trying to help,” Birdseye maintains.

“Yeah right!?” the Captain and Labaguette remark in unison.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 466

“Wait a minute,” the Captain interrupts, “eggs can only be found on Earth.  If you lay two of them on their side, their top side facing each other, we have an infinity sign!  a wealth of universes.”

“These Monkeys aren’t from Earth Captain,” Labaguette says, “even if they came out of eggs.”

“There’s a connection,” Birdseye insists.

Now the Syck Monkey is dancing, a Charlie Chaplin act, helped by his stick and his sons imitating him.

“We’re close to the truth,” the Captain says, “I know it”.

“Undecipherable,” Labaguette says.

“The Mother Land,” Birdseye says.

“What?” the Captain asks.

“The Mother Land.”

“Planet Earth is the Mother Land?” Captain Traumatic asks.  “The Syck Monkey would be part reality and part myth?”

Birdseye nods.

“Have you completely lost your mind?” Labaguette asks.

“The Syck Monkey is likely to born out of an egg on Earth in spite of possible evidence to the contrary,” the Captain says.

“Precisely!” Labaguette says.

“Well, that’s just it Labaguette: though no monkeys are ever born out of eggs on Earth, the Syck Monkey is a fluke, not meant to be, a transition, a genetic mutation that occurs once in the lifetime within a multiplicity of universes because diversity rules.  When his mother bird, or whoever she was realised it, she carried the Egg to the edge of the Earth and sent it adrift on a rudderless ship.”

“I’ve heard that one before Captain, remember?”  Labaguette remarks, “we’ve learned that the Earth isn’t flat and we know that this Monkey doesn’t travel by ship.”

To be continued…