THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 487

But as the universe has it – and all universes by the same token, as is well known but worth repeating – some rule is broken and what is expected becomes unexpected, all of a sudden and very… unexpectedly.

So it goes that Captain Traumatic finds solace for his boredom in his beloved Rum, waiting for the ultimate goal of their trip to appear on the horizon line, should the universe become flat for a little while.  What a waste he muses, all those worlds going by remaining unexplored and unconquered.  Wouldn’t it be nice to own a couple of them at the very least?  So many with such potential, so many needing a leader.  He recalls the Planet of Books which he was unable to save.  If he had a planet of his own, he would—

“—Captain!” Labaguette yells, “we can’t possibly be heading back home without something to show for.”

“We’ll conquer some more ships when we’re back.”

“There’s an interesting cluster a few degrees North,” Birdseye adds, tentatively.

Then the King-Fool begins to sing, dance and gesticulate in excitement.  “One must never give up, give up, give up.”  And again: “One must never give up, give up, give up,” he chants.

“Give up what?” Labaguette asks, perching on his wand, entertained, wanting some more.

“Exploring.  Home is death, desolation, an end to your purpose.”

“I will be a hero, tell me more.”

“You’ll be hero especially if you bring something back which gives you power.  Else, you’ll be a hero for one day and then sink into oblivion the very next day.”

“Captain!”

“He’s drunk.  We must act now.”

To be continued…

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THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 480

“The Insatiable Mermaid is no more.  She earned her title of Princess through hard work and enduring loyalty.”

“She’s a ship.”

“Note that the Captain forgot his name eons ago,” the Fool remarks, beaming, “he forgot it but he is now forgetting it on purpose.  As to the Insatiable Princes we—”

“—Suppose I did.  Suppose I forgot my name.  What do you want from me?” Captain Traumatic asks.

“We’ve orders to bring you back to Earth.”

“I’m a pirate.  I am the proud owner of the most indomitable, rebellious and nomadic soul there is.”

“Is it Moi?” Labaguette asks.

“Shut up fuckwit!” the Captain says.”

“Captain, we must be getting back on the road.  Time is precious when you travel afar.  Time storms abound and these can distract our compasses.  We need to get back to the year we left, give or take a few seconds or a few weeks.”

“And what year was that?” the Fool asks.

“2578.”

“We were there before you,” the Captain remarks, “your time doesn’t suit us.  If you want to take us back to Earth, you take us back to 1602.”

“It could be done but only once we’ve gotten back to our year first.”

“Why?”

“We must take you there with a more appropriate shuttle, one which travels unambiguously backwards in time and one which could contain your ship.”

“Prove you are from Earth,” the Captain says.

“Make me your Knight and let us guide you back to Earth.”

“Well then, first, take your armour or this ludicrous hat off.”

“We wouldn’t be able to survive without this attire, Sir Anectodick.”

“I’ve no such attire and I live.”

“Couldn’t breathe without it.”

“You poor sod, must be a terrible disease.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 472

“I hold the Egg of Creation.  The one before ‘before’, the one laid by the Mother of all Theories.”

“The voices convinced you, didn’t they?”

“You and I could share a Kingdom.  I am willing to share my Kingdom with you, don’t you see?”

“I can hold my own.”

“The Syck Monkey dropped the Egg, Fool.  Figure this: this Monkey never lets anything fall out of his grip, it never happened before, it is unlikely to re-occur.  Except there was this one time when the rule was broken because that’s what happens to rules sometimes.  You see, all that the Syck Monkey catches, he holds, he secures and saves.  You know this.”

“I do.”

“Now imagine his mother, The Mother of all Theories, bestowing on him the gift of all creations, of all beginnings and of all ends, the entire beyond and its infinity all contained within one single egg, also known as ‘The One’.”

“What is your point?”

“Wait.  Patience, Fool!  Listen: now, all you need to do is to wish how to create something, anything, for The One to cook up your unborn idea into a new universe.  The One Egg, matures your principle and project into one thing and one only.  Then it cooks it until it is ready before it pops.”

“Dangerous.  Alien creatures of morbid nature may come of it.”

“The One is good.  It sees no evil and hears no evil.”

“Lucky it can’t talk right?  It’s rather farfetched.  You’ve a good imagination.”

“Thank my voices for it.”

“Your—”

Right then and there, a large egg lands on the platform, crashing loudly, disintegrating and smudging the undulating waves with egg yolk and foamy egg white.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 470

“I enjoy a state of nothingness in the vast emptiness.  It fulfils me and brings contentment,” the Fool says.

“Yet you travelled accompanied,” the King-of-all-Things remarks.

“It was accidental, a mere trick of fate.  Besides, it’s as I told you: I can’t bring my planet here.  It would be chaos.”

“An erroneous belief, you could try.”

“Your platform and my planet, they’d try and gobble each other up.”

“Hmm.  Your pride is coming in the way.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“You’re a fool, you should know that I am truthfully adaptable.  Collecting gives me a sense of belonging.”

“How can you belong when all that surrounds you is the homogenous, the multiplicity, the transmutable of everything and when nothing fits?”

“It prepares you to any eventuality.  It expands your mind.  You grow.”

“Collectable creatures are you prisoners.  You trap them in your platform and lock them there forever.”

“Call it destiny.  It’s their own doing.  They chose to come my way.  They chose to become collectables.”

“You don’t even play with them.”

“I can hear their voices.  I can hear them talking.  I understand.  It enlightens me.”

“You hear them, huh?  Like you hear me?”

“When I turn the volume up I do.  I don’t shut them up, ever.”

“What are you insinuating?”

“You’re a liar.  Your planet feeds itself of all that falls onto it.  Slowly munching, digesting and belching while you enjoy the show.”

“Not all.”

“Nearly all.”

“Rule of the jungles rules infinity.”

“Your loneliness is increased into infinity as you shut the voices down.”

“It’s not my doing.”

“It’s your ruling.”

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 468

“But first,” the Syck Monkey’s children continue writing, “the flag must be exchanged and an egg delivered in return.”

“Why didn’t you say before?” Labaguette asks.

“There was a time you could not even read, Labaguette,” the Captain marvels.

“It was latent for a while.  I could read but I could not express it.”

“Featherly regenerescence,” Birdseye comments.

“Feather what?”

Three Monkeys jump back onto the Insatiable Princess, a flag in hand.

“We should elope” Labaguette whispers once more into the Captain’s ear.

There, three monkeys are tying white ropes, unfolding sails while their father’s domineering and powerful shadow looks on.

The Captain grabs the flag and as soon as he unfolds it, there is a burning flash before the flag rolls back onto itself emitting more sparks.  A shower of falling objects, creatures and stars pass them by.

“That’s you told Captain!” Labaguette remarks.

“Shut up!”

A young monkey carries the flag and attached it around the main mast.

“THE EGG!” are the words now showing in gigantic letters on the Universe’s wall.

The Captain scratches his head, looking at Birdseye.

Labaguette smoothes a brilliant rose feather, not looking at anyone.

Birdseye sits, his goggle light up a pale blue as his tail widens, sparkles and shudders.

“If he weren’t a policeman-dancer,” Labaguette says, “he might have been an ostrich.”

“Ostriches are not know to survive in these regions,” the Captain remarks, an air of distraction lifting his puzzled eyebrows.

As he stands again, Birdseye extends his arms and hands holding a large, smooth, sparkling and mauve egg of a substantial size which he offers the Syck Monkey’s shadow.

“Didn’t think he had it in him,” Labaguette says with a sense of purpose.

“He had the egg all along,” musters the Captain.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 461

Enough is enough.  Inside a pirate’s soul looms but the horror of the shade.

“What shade?” the Captain asks, wondering at the fickleness of his mind, “what shade?  Where’s Recovery Space Shuttle 593?”

“My, my Captain,” Labaguette remarks, “I’ve been waiting for your blood to boil out of its lethargy for some time now.”

This time, a fish hits Birsdeye in the face dislodging his goggles for an evasive second as the giant shadow of a monkey flies by, hanging from a rope, followed by three smaller monkeys all chucking fish on the ship’s deck, hanging from the white ropes they so dexterously made when living inside the Insatiable Princess’ hull.  Birdseye’s takes off his goggles and to Labaguette’s and the Captain’s bewilderment, throws beams of fire at the passing ropes and at the fish.  In less than a second, an uneasy darkness, silence and the smell of fried fish infiltrates the atmosphere.

“Some talent!” the Captain exclaims, “you can’t bottle things up like that Birdseye.  Why not use this before when we needed?”

“Precisely,” Birdseye says, “I too have had enough.”

“His blood too has come to boiling point,” Labaguette adds, “and now we’ve fried fish.”

“It’s disappointing,” the Captain says, “all that time spent with the Monkeys and now they act as if we were their enemies, keeping secrets, and playing games with us.  To think they grew up with us.”

“Now you see,” Birdseye says.

“That’s not good enough Birdseye!  Even you got caught in their game.”

“They belong to another egg,” Labaguette comments.

“World,” the Captain corrects as he collects the fried fish from the deck and throws them overboard.

But before he has time to utter another word, a ‘clonk’ is heard as each fish lands on a metallic surface.

To be continued…

THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TRAUMATIC – 456

“You’re a fluke!  You’ve taken over the Syck Monkey’s job!” Labaguette exclaims.

“He collects for himself.  It’s his world, his Alibaba cavern.  I collect for everyone, for the greater good of all.  My world is made of lists, receipts and items in exchange for more.”

“Yeah right!” the Captain says as the Insatiable Princess shudders and the ropes unfold some more out of the deck before straightening towards the disappeared shuttle, but no one takes notice.

“We work together.”

“Why would the Syck Monkey steal from you?”

“Synchronicity.”

“Huh?”

“A falling egg.  A fortunate mismatch over place and timing.  One precious egg.  Caught it falling from Syck Monkey’s cavern though I did not know this at the time.”

“We’re out of here,” the Captain says, “we don’t need to get involved.”

Upon those words, the King-of-all-Things, who is not one to chew his words for too long, points to the platform and a tsunami approaches fast, with a few tornadoes following at a short distance behind.

“All right, all right, all right!” Captain Traumatic concedes, his pupils darker than they’ve ever been.

“This won’t do, Captain!” Birdseye exclaims.

At that exact moment, the ropes straightened to such an extent that solidify, to the exception of one, pulling the Insatiable Princess with them, towards the disappeared Monkeys and shuttle.

Then, the loose rope slaps King U off balance, and he falls onto the platform below.

In no time, the Insatiable Princess and its remaining crew are out of sight.

“Synchronicity, again!” the King-of-all-Things says, pulling a fishing rod out of his cloud, throwing towards King U before hanging it in the air, pondering this fateful catch.

To be continued…